UNC Charlotte Students for a Democratic Society

Because someone at the UTimes was too lazy to include it in the Thursday edition, my latest rant on the Iraq surge went largely unnoticed. I'd like some input from my fellow revolutionaries, so please read it below.

In fact, I ORDER you to read it! You must obey! Why? Because...
http://www.spoonyexperiment.com/rants/AloneInTheDark/iamyourking1xr.gif

Enjoy:

President Bush’s words of inspiration touched us all last week with his thorough report on the Iraq surge, having spent less than a day in a naval base 100 miles away from where more than half of the troop surge has been positioned (Baghdad) (9). After all, the only way to vindicate a perpetual mistake is to continue reiterating the same mentality, and Bush was ready to give a heartfelt sentiment to the local military on the progress being made.

What a coincidence! Bush has described the insurmountable progress we’ve been making in Iraq during this past May and January, four different speeches in 2006, seven different speeches in 2005, and eight different speeches in 2004 (1). Heck, by our president’s accord, we’ve been making progress towards winning Iraq ever since we won Iraq back in 2003! If we keep progressing towards making progress at this rate, we’ll be ready by the end of the year to start a military campaign in Afghanistan. It’ll be a cakewalk!

During his address, Bush commented on how the Diyala province has been “cleared” of al Qaeda and other extremists groups, in spite of how the head of the State Department team in Diyala described the situation as severely unstable, hampering access to food and energy (2). He covered how the Iraqi army is becoming more capable at securing the region on their own, despite how the Independent Commission on the Security of Iraq, led by retired Marine Gen. James L. Jones, reported that the Iraqi Army would only be “60% capable of independently protecting Iraq from external threats by 2012 and entirely independent in this regard by 2018. (2)” He swooned over what incredible life the Iraqis will get to return to in Baghdad, in spite of how the city is increasingly segregated with Shiite militias forcing Sunni residents out of mixed neighborhoods, causing American troops to put up huge concrete barricades to wall the neighborhoods off from each other (2). If only they’d do that in my apartment block.

Most importantly, Bush learned from General Petraeus how violent deaths can be counted in whatever manner we wish. Apparently deaths by car bombings (more than 2600 such bombings this year) don’t count (3, 4), and getting shot in the head is only a matter of sectarian violence if the bullet enters through the back (5). Using this Monty Python-style logic, we can obfuscate the fact that daily attacks have remained unchanged since the start of the surge (6), and the fact that Baghdad is still rated the worst place to live in the world for the third consecutive year (7). Eat that, Darfur!

But perhaps my favorite part of Bush’s sales pitch was his underlying hinting at the prospect of allowing some troops to return home within the next year. In fact he was quoted in his interview with Robert Draper as “playing for October-November,” when he can sell us his real plan for Iraq, which is “to get us in a position where the presidential candidates will be comfortable about sustaining a presence.(8)” Succinctly put, he’s just toying with the hope of an eventual troop withdrawal until he can hand the total non-disaster of Iraq to the next in line.

Talk about moral fiber! Our own president bears such a heavy conviction of philanthropic modesty he’s willing to let the next president, and possibly the next generation of Americans, indulge in the joys of maintaining a war costing billions of dollars and thousands of lives that merely amplifies the threats to American security. He even thought to rope American soldiers into his charade by tantalizing the illusion of an early withdrawal just enough to maintain a degree of morale worthy of a public backdrop.

Because if there’s one thing US troops love, it’s to be surprised with the prospect of staying in a war-torn country longer, even with extended tours and redeployment of injured soldiers. And as college students like us know, nothing helps polish a jaded sense of accomplishment like passing the long-overdue responsibility on to someone else. Just like my old sensei used to tell me: “Many trees make the forest, but no single one is to blame for spreading the fire.”

Of course there was plenty Bush couldn’t discuss, like the US Government Accountability Office’s report on Iraq, covering how the Iraqi government has met only 3 (and partially met 4) of the 18 security and political benchmarks set forth in June of 2006 (6), and how daily attacks against Iraqis have remained unchanged. He also deftly neglected mentioning how the police forces in many areas of the country won’t even leave their stations and have become infiltrated by insurgents and militias to the point that the Independent Commission on the Security of Iraq recommended disbanding the national police force (2). But hey, we gotta edit air time somehow, and if all goes well all this, like the thousands of Americans who died in this war, will just wind down to a “comma” in history.

Until then, just focus on positive thoughts of progress. Iraq will suddenly get all the power and clean water it needs, the Shiites and the Sunnis will resolve all their internal conflicts just before they put an end to all the violence between each other, the hundreds of thousands of refugees will quickly return to their newly-built homes, and that trained unicorn I ordered on eBay will finally arrive. And if you believe any of that, I have a few Halliburton contracts to sell you. Hey, unicorns got expensive tastes!
Got a problem with today’s article? I guess you can’t see all the progress this article is making towards improving your life.

1)
http://www.perrspectives.com/blog/archives/000676.htm
2)
http://www.factcheck.org/operation_iraqi_gloss-over.html
3)
http://www.salon.com/politics/war_room/2007/09/06/iraq/
4)
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-surge4sep04,0,228035...
5)
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/09/05/AR200709...
6)
http://thinkprogress.org/2007/09/04/hiding-stats-from-gao/
http://thinkprogress.org/2007/09/04/gao-report-iraq/
7)
http://juneconway.com/blog.html?id=264
8)
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20593445/
9)
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=14149831